How to Sabotage a Relationship – 299

In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery.

Upcoming: our 300th episode

Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know!  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. To be included in episode 300, please do so before August 10, 2019.

 

Saying No — No is a complete sentence – 298

Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”.

  • “No” is a boundary.
    • Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and is not ours to do.
  • What’s the problem here?
    • I feel I have to justify my “no” answer.
    • I’m afraid you won’t like me if say “no”
    • I’m afraid you will respond with anger or disappointment if I say “no”
    • I feel like I’m being mean if I say “no”
    • I feel like I “should” say “yes” but I don’t want to.
    • I say “I don’t know” or “maybe” instead of “no.”
    • I say “yes” but I mean “no.”
  • Do I also have a problem saying “yes”?
  • Do I have a problem committing, in general?
  • Why should I learn to say “no”, period?
    • I don’t have an infinite store of time and energy.
    • Some things are more important than others.
    • I need to set and respect my own boundaries.
    • I’m not comfortable / don’t agree with what you are asking me for / to do.
  • What is the difference between “no” and negativity?
  • Strength of “no”
    • It is an affirmation of self.
    • When I say “no”, it makes my “yes” stronger and more meaningful.
  • When to say no?
    • When it keeps me true to my principles and values.
    • When it protects me from being exploited.
    • When it keeps me focused on my own goals.
    • When it protects me from abuse.
    • When I need the strength to change course.
    • Try saying “yes” and “no” (in your head) and see how each one feels to you.
    • Think about the consequences of saying “yes” (or “no”).
  • How can I say no nicely?
    • “I’ll think about it” — but only if I really will think about it and get back with a “yes” or “no” — not just to put off saying “no”.
    • Use softer language: “I’d prefer not to”
    • At least say it calmly.
    • “That’s really not my responsibility.”
  • How can I say “no” to myself? And when is it important to say no to myself?

Readings and Links

We read from Courage to Change, July 25 and April 13.

Eric mentioned the book Discovering Choices.

Web links we used as resources include these from Psychology Today: The Power of No, When, Why, and How to say No. From Huffington Post, The Art of Saying No. From Mindful.org, No Is A Complete Sentence.

We got some quotes from AZquotes.com.

Related topics from The Recovery Show include these episodes

Upcoming: our 300th episode

Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know!  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. To be included in episode 300, please do so before August 10, 2019. Continue reading “Saying No — No is a complete sentence – 298”

Mary Pearl T on Step 12 – Episode 297

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Join us for the conclusion of Mary Pearl T's workshop on the 12 steps. She clearly illustrates, with warmth and wit, how she understands and lives this step.

Readings and Links

Listeners wrote and called with reflections on these episodes:

The other Mary Pearl episodes are

Two listeners shared their own hope, strength, and experience on a question from an earlier episode, “What if my loved one never finds sobriety?”

Please add your sharing

Our 300th episode is coming soon. How has The Recovery Show helped your recovery? What episode touched you? Did you go to your first meeting after listening to us? Have you been a guest on the podcast? Call or send email with your answer to one of these questions, or to one I didn't think to ask. I'd love to construct our 300th episode from your voices.

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope.

Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences – 296

What was your spiritual awakening? What spiritual experiences have you had?

Step 12 starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…”. The AA “Big Book” speaks of “a spiritual experience” as a key to recovery. What's going on here? Do we have to have some sudden “white light” experience to truly be in recovery?

Both traditions answer, firmly, “No.” The Big Book says, simply, “Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience.” Al-Anon's book How Al-Anon Works affirms that “more commonly … we experience a gradual awakening of the spirit”.

I found meaning in the story of the Buddha, who, shortly after his enlightenment, was questioned by a person he encountered on the road if he was a god, a wizard, a man? To which he responded, “no”. When the man asked “Well, what are  you then?”, the Buddha said “I am awake.”

In this episode, 4 people describe a spiritual awakening or experience from their lives.

Readings and Links

We read from

How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 8, Step Twelve.

Alcoholics Anonymous, Appendix II

A listener wrote about the Al-Anon book Having had a Spiritual Awakening, and how it led him to a gentle awakening.

Want to contribute?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Continue reading “Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences – 296”

Kerri K – Speaker talk – 295

A listener and erstwhile guest, Carrie, suggested this talk. She writes,

Such an incredible story! Chock full of life experiences, wisdom, humor and hope.  I’ve listened to it several times over the years. 

Makes me want to go hike in Phoenix and get a teddy bear to pass around.  😊

Upcoming

An upcoming topic is spiritual awakenings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your own spiritual awakening or spiritual experience. Or just leave a comment right here.